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  I try to swallow but can’t.

  “The day after the baby arrived, a fire started in the hospital nursery. It claimed the lives of thirty people, including an unknown baby girl. That was November first. November third, you showed up on Marie and Dean’s doorstep in Georgia. They called the police and child services. The police searched multiple databases for any missing baby reports, but they came up empty. After a quick stay at the hospital, you were placed in a foster home.”

  The dots are starting to connect, but I don’t want them to. I want him to stop talking.

  He moves on to Kali’s photos. “The foster home caught fire November twenty-first, the day Dean and Marie adopted you. Thirteen people perished—four ladies who ran it, and the remaining nine were children. According to the police report, one of the deceased was a three-week-old baby girl. The house was rebuilt, but it caught fire again this year, killing Kali and eight others.”

  He waits for me.

  My fingers rub on my jeans, wiping away the sweat. Then I let out a breath.

  “I’m the baby, aren’t I?”

  He frowns. His brown eyes fill with despair.

  I know what he’s going to say.

  I should have died in the fire at the foster home.

  I should have died in the fire at the hospital.

  I should have died in the car crash—either before or after I was born.

  Born . . .

  I sob into my shoulder as it suddenly hits me. My birth mother is dead. She was the unknown driver of the jeep.

  “I’m sorry, Maddy.”

  Pain tears through my heart, shredding it to pieces. A loud moan comes from outside, as if the wind is grieving the loss too.

  “What about my father?”

  “He is dead too, though I don’t know the specifics.”

  My nails dig into my palms as I tighten my fists. I try to focus on the physical pain to block out all emotions.

  “The others in my group found you,” he softly says, “and together we’ve kept you hidden from the world.”

  The room blurs as tears well up. “Why? Why did you do all this for me and not them? I’m just girl thirteen.”

  Duane looks at me with an intensity I’ve never seen.

  “You are not ‘girl thirteen.’ The demon is hunting you, Maddy. You are the real target.”

  I clamp my eyes shut and lean my head into my shoulder, trying not to make a sound. Trying to keep it together so MJ won’t rush down here. I push it all someplace far and deep—but there’s just so much. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it back.

  He places a hand on my shoulder, sending his essence into me again. I stare at his hand. He could have walked away in the beginning—gone on living as he had. Instead he changed his whole life, just to keep me safe.

  He lets go, taking his essence with him, and moves back to the boards lining the wall. “We moved you around a lot in the beginning as a precaution.”

  I grimace, thinking about everything he and these “others” have done and everything my family has endured—for me.

  He continues down the line, stopping at each photo. “You lived in Georgia, then Arkansas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Texas, Colorado.” He points to girls three through eight. “Then Illinois, Wisconsin, Nebraska,” he continues, pointing to the three girls between Lauren and Amber. “The girls lived in your old houses.”

  “How is that possible?” I ask. “How could an adopted girl who looks exactly like me, with the same exact birthday and talents, just happen to live in each of my old houses?”

  Duane doesn’t blink. “Sacrifices had to be made to protect you.”

  Sacrifices . . .

  I don’t blink either, but it’s because I’m too shocked. “Are you saying you put them in my old homes knowing it would get them killed?”

  He crouches in front of me again. “I knew it was a possibility, yes. I didn’t like it, but the others assured me it was necessary to keep you safe. And now that the demon is hunting you, I agree with them.”

  I lean away from him. “How could you say that? How could you even think that?”

  “We needed decoys to give us time to hide you from the demon. I have a feeling that if he kills all twelve girls and realizes none of them are you, he will rip apart the earth looking for you. And in turn, we would rip apart the earth to keep you safe.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head. “This is crazy.”

  “So is a girl who restores emotions in the dead and whose emotions affect the weather.”

  My jaw drops. “You know about that too?”

  “Maddy, Georgia nearly flooded the few weeks you lived there. Of course I noticed. I made sure no one else did, though.”

  “So even as a baby, I was a freak.”

  “You’re not a freak, Maddy. You’re gifted. Powerful. And I believe that’s why the demon wants you.”

  Thunder rumbles again. The walls vibrate from the force. I try to contain my emotions, but the battle . . . it’s too much. I stare at the bedroom doorway, waiting for MJ to race through it. He doesn’t. Where is he?

  My abilities—the abilities I never wanted—are a curse.

  I raise my eyes, trying to stop my tears, but all I see are their faces—the faces of the girls dying for me. The bodies.

  I close my eyes. The darkness—I see it. I see the car crash that killed my mother. Was that even an “accident”? Was her death my fault?

  I begin to stand, shaking from the pressure building inside me. My head turns from side to side, looking for escape as if I were a caged animal.

  “Where are you going, Maddy?”

  “I—can’t—be—here,” I say through my pain and guilt.

  “I can take you someplace else.” He reaches for me.

  I twitch, not wanting him to touch me. I don’t want to feel his essence. I don’t want to be reminded of his lies.

  Only one thing can help me now. MJ. His arms are exactly where I want to be. I need to tell him everything.

  I take a step to leave the room.

  Duane moves in front of me, blocking me. He knows exactly where I’m headed and why.

  “If you won’t let me help you, fine. But MJ can’t either.”

  “Yes, he can.” I look for a way around him.

  “No, he can’t, Maddy. Listen. Everything we’ve done, everything they’ve sacrificed”—he points to the boards—“has been to keep you a secret. Keep you safe.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do this. I don’t want you to.”

  “This was set in motion the day you were found. When Dean and Marie adopted you, one of the ‘others’ I mentioned earlier posed as the case worker. He gave them a social security card and birth certificate for you. They’re listed as your parents. He led them to believe that was all they would ever need. You were theirs, and no mortals would ever question it. In case any supernatural beings were to ever question it, he erased your parents’ memories of adopting you, only allowing them to discuss it with you when no one else was around. He of course never filed any adoption paperwork with the government. As far as the government knows, you are not adopted. That’s why you’re not on the FBI’s list as a potential target.”

  My head spins. The only reason the demon—and MJ—doesn’t know who I am is because some supernatural being didn’t file my adoption paperwork.

  Duane’s eyes bore into me. “Under no circumstances are you to tell MJ, or anyone else, you’re adopted.”

  “I can’t lie to him. It’s his case. He needs to know. It can help him save the remaining gi—”

  “You tell him, and it’s over,” Duane says with finality. “The demon will find you and kill you. Is that what you want?”

  I hug myself. All I want is MJ. My feet shift.

  “Plans are being made to get you out of here,” Duane says. “That’s why I’m really here, to keep you safe while the others finish preparing. It could be a day or a month—I’m not sure. But know this: if you tell anyone you’re adopted or even h
int at it, I will pull you out of here right then. You will never see your adoptive family—or MJ—again.”

  My eyes are wide.

  “It’s not a threat, Maddy,” he says. “It’s a promise because you must be protected.” He sighs and moves to the side.

  I take off.

  I run from that room.

  I run from him.

  I run from the hundreds of innocent people dying for me.

  I bound up the stairs, through the kitchen, and out the garage door in one flash. I come face to face with MJ. And when I see that tender way he looks at me—when I see the love I don’t deserve—I run from him too.

  Duane’s right. MJ can never know the truth. If he knew that monster was killing everyone for me, he’d never forgive me.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Maddy

  I run barefoot down the street, fighting to catch my breath and keep the darkness away. MJ and Alexander chase after me, but I don’t stop until I’ve reached Hiniker Bridge.

  The weight of my guilt catches up to me as I tumble to my knees. My body shakes as I heave uncontrollably over the water.

  Everyone is dying because of me. Melany, Krystle, Kali, Jamie, Linsey, Brandy, Heather, and Lauren’s deaths are all on my hands. Plus the 136 people who happened to be near them. There are four other girls on the list, including Amber. How many people will die with them?

  But even before the girls, people were dying for me. My birth mother and the other woman from the car crash on Mount Rainier. The thirty-one people in the Seattle hospital nursery fire. The twelve people from the foster home in Georgia. Were those fires accidents, or were they sacrifices too?

  I doubt all twelve girls’ parents died randomly that same night either. All twenty-four of them are my fault.

  My father too—though I don’t know how he died.

  And Ben . . . he’s my fault too.

  That’s 217 people who have already died, and I can’t even fathom how many more.

  My stomach and throat burn. My body shakes. In my head, a voice from the darkness calls: Monster. Murderer. And I know it’s true. That’s why a demon is hunting me down. Evil recognizes evil.

  I clamp my eyes shut, but all I see is them dying. I hear them screaming out in pain. I feel it. I feel their terror.

  I press my palms over my eyes, trying to stop the tears.

  Someone bends down beside me. I can tell from the way my skin begs to lean into him that it’s MJ.

  “Maddy,” he says, his voice tender and sweet. “I’m sorry.”

  He’s sorry.

  His words echo inside me, circling around and around. But no matter how many revolutions they do, nothing changes. His words can’t fix this, and they can’t bring anyone back.

  He reaches out to touch me—to take away my pain.

  I flinch and lean closer to the railing. “Don’t touch me. I don’t trust myself not to send us somewhere. There’s just . . . too much.”

  He retracts but only for a second. “Please, Maddy. Let me help you.”

  Again his voice is soft and sweet. It shouldn’t be. If he knew what I’m responsible for, he would be repulsed by me.

  The faces I saw and names I know flash in my mind.

  “What are their names?” I hear myself ask.

  “Whose names?”

  He has the nerve to still keep me in the dark? I take a deep, raspy breath then turn to him.

  That crease I like so much rests between his brows. Wide hazel eyes scan my face while his hands linger just shy of touching me. If he touches me, he’ll take away my pain.

  I don’t deserve that, just as I don’t deserve him.

  “The three remaining targets between Lauren and Amber,” I say. “Duane showed me the targets, but he didn’t say their names.”

  His body shakes. His eyes shift to scarlet. “He told you that?”

  In a flash, MJ’s gone. In another flash, I hear him to my right.

  “No! Let me go!”

  I look over. Alexander is trying to hold MJ back as he struggles to break free.

  “I warned him! He had no right to tell her!”

  “I know,” Alexander says, keeping his voice firm but calm. “But fighting him—”

  Thunder booms and lightning streaks across the sky.

  “Don’t you dare touch Duane!” I shout with more conviction than I feel.

  MJ stills, and even Alexander’s head whips around to me.

  Slowly, with more grace than I should have right now, I stand. I glare at MJ.

  I count to three, letting my emotions calm just enough so I can be heard over the grumbles from the clouds above. Even after everything Duane said and did, I can’t let MJ hurt him. Duane told me horrible things—things he knew I wouldn’t like and would hurt me. He risked our relationship and told me the truth. But he gave me that respect and had that faith in me.

  My eyes narrow even more. MJ promised no more secrets. Yet every day, I discover more he’s keeping from me.

  “You may not like that Duane told me, but I don’t care. You should have told me. Instead you keep me in the dark about everything. I am so sick and tired of being drip-fed information from you—”

  “Come on!” MJ shouts. “You do the exact same thing to me, and you know it.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not the same. I haven’t told you everything because it’s either not my secret to tell or I’m not ready to talk about it. But you don’t tell me things because you think I can’t handle it.”

  I brush my hair from my face, fighting the wind—my wind. “Damn it, MJ! You go on and on about how I don’t trust you. How can I when you don’t have faith in me?”

  The crimson vanishes from his eyes. “Maddy, I . . .”

  He takes a step toward me, but I take a step back. “Don’t.”

  He stands there for a moment, then his face calms. “I have faith in you, Maddy. I do. But I want to do everything in my power to keep you from getting hurt physically and emotionally. This has nothing to do with me being a Protector. I’m doing this because I am your boyfriend.”

  My insides tighten, and I hug myself.

  Every time MJ has healed me or helped settle my emotions, I thought it was just a habit for him—part of his angelic side. I never considered he was doing it as my boyfriend.

  “I know I’m messing everything up. I’m new at relationships too, remember?” he says. “But I’m trying because we’re worth it. You’re worth it.”

  The faces of the girls and the bystanders flash in my mind. I’m not worth that. They’re all dying in my place.

  I fight back tears. I fight back everything threatening to release. Then I push it down, shove it all away.

  The sky falls silent. The wind disappears.

  I feel nothing.

  I stare at MJ. “You should have killed me at the fountain.”

  His face shows shock and pain while mine still shows nothing.

  MJ takes another cautious step toward me. I glare at his hands, signaling that I still don’t want to be touched.

  He holds back, though I know he’s struggling. “I don’t understand why you would think that—let alone say it. What happened to the woman who fought death a few hours ago because she didn’t want to leave me?”

  Memories of Lauren resurface. I barely escaped, but she didn’t. She wasn’t the one who was supposed to die. None of them were.

  “If you would have killed me, things would have been different,” I reply.

  “What things? Nothing is as important to me as you.”

  “And that’s the problem!” I shout. The wind resumes, and the thunder awakens. “You put me in front of everything—in front of Amber and the other girls—but you have no idea who or what I am. You don’t know the real me. And I certainly don’t know the real you.”

  He looks away for just a moment, then those hazel eyes suck me back in. “You think I don’t know you? I’ve felt your soul, Maddy. Many times. Your dreams are my desires. Your heartbeat is my
life. I fell in love with you three nights ago as I watched you sleep in my arms right here on this bridge. And when I thought I lost you to that demon, I said it. I said it in my own language, even if you didn’t understand it.”

  I can’t move. I can’t blink. My heart is pounding, demanding to be heard. And those beats are crying out to know more.

  “Ek ann þér. I love you, Maddy.”

  He said it.

  MJ loves me.

  He loves me enough to risk his future for me. He loves me enough to walk away from centuries of being a Protector. But most importantly, he loves me enough to do the one thing I’m terrified of doing.

  He says those words.

  I unclench the fists I didn’t realize were balled tight. He stares down at me. The pain in his eyes has me fighting the urge to throw myself into his arms and beg him to tell me everything will be okay.

  But it won’t be. Not for me and not for the other girls.

  “Why did you have to say it now?” I ask, sadness clinging to each word.

  “What?” He takes another step closer.

  My heart trembles, acknowledging the truth—not even those words can change what’s happening.

  “I’m sorry, MJ. I can’t do this.”

  He falls to his knees in front of me, breathing heavily. “Please no. Maddy, I love you. Don’t do this.”

  I close my eyes, memorizing the sound of those words from his lips, knowing it’s most likely the last time I’ll ever hear them.

  “Do you know what I was thinking before we went into my house?” I ask.

  He shakes his head.

  “For the first time, I was ready to bring a guy—you—home to meet my family. I wasn’t scared. Despite everything that’s happened, I was happy. You do that to me. You know more about me than anyone, and I want to tell you the rest.” My fists clench again. “But this whole time I’ve been growing closer to you, you’ve kept your distance. You hid the fact that a demon is hunting down and killing girls who look just like me.”