Ignited Page 9

  I lower her hand, though I don’t let go of it, and exit the car. Two demons have taken her from me in the last two days. From now on, I’m only letting her go when absolutely necessary.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maddy

  After dinner, MJ and I walk along the waterfront behind the restaurant. We stop at the end of a dock to watch the sun set over Lake Washington. Red, blue, pink, and orange swirl in the sky and reflect off the choppy lake surface. This has been another perfect night.

  There’s a chill in the air, but thanks to MJ’s essence, I don’t have goose bumps on my skin. I’m so comfortable. I feel as if it’s the end of August, even though Halloween and my seventeenth birthday are nine days away.

  Hannah’s skipping rocks by the boat landing with a friend who’s here with her family as well. My parents are on the patio behind MJ and me, trying to hide the fact that they’re watching us. Not that it matters. They’re just another set of eyes watching and waiting for something to happen. At least the intention behind their spying is honorable—they’re doing it because they love me.

  I’m still glad for this moment. Even with my family nearby, this moment feels like a date.

  “You’re incredible, MJ,” I say as the last speck of sunlight disappears and dusk settles over the water. “With everything that’s happening to me, I should be barely hanging on. But because of you, I get moments of peace when I forget all that and I can just be me. I . . . thank you.”

  I should have said, I love you. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say them.

  I know he loves me and that saying it back wouldn’t scare him away, but he and I are on a tightrope. We still face many challenges. His role as a Protector, angels and demons, my unknown abilities, and our secrets are lying below in the darkness, waiting for the moment when we lose our balance. If I tell him how I feel, it’ll make me vulnerable—and I can’t be that right now.

  His arms tighten around me, and he rubs his chin in my hair. “I promise that someday soon, moments like this will happen all the time. These are the moments you deserve. I hope you’ll never tire of them because I’ll never tire of holding you like this.”

  I slowly exhale as I relax even farther into him. I can’t wait for that day.

  MJ grabs his phone from his pocket, opening it up to a music app. Sam Smith’s newest love song starts. MJ sticks his phone back in his pocket. My heart quickens, unsure of where this is going.

  He lifts my wrists, placing them over his shoulders. Then he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his hardened body. Fire erupts inside as he turns us in a small circle, dancing on the dock.

  I smile and rest my head against his silent chest to hide my blushing. Silly, romantic MJ. If this were any other guy, I would feel stupid—especially knowing we’re being watched. With MJ, I don’t care. It feels . . . right. I want to do this every day.

  We sway in the small space of the dock, careful not to slip off. The butterflies, his essence, and the fire are all present, but they’re moving with the beat too. They’re in control, making it even easier to flow along with the rhythm. I wish this song would never end.

  “There’s a dance at your school on Friday next week,” MJ says.

  I peek up at him only to find him staring out over the water.

  “I know that’s Halloween and your birthday,” he continues, “so if you have plans, I understand. But I’d like to accompany you.”

  I’ve been looking forward to this dance since school began. I love Halloween, not just because it’s my birthday, but also because I can be whoever I want to be for the night. When I put on that perfect dress and mask, my fears, abilities, and pain will all disappear. For one night, I will allow myself to drop my guard and believe in the fairy tale of happily ever after. MJ and I will dance. We’ll kiss. And somehow, we’ll fall more in love with each other.

  The thought of spending that night with him has me holding in a squeal. It will be the best night of my life, even if the whole school will be there too.

  Then dread fills me and darkness claims my perfect night. “What about Amber?”

  MJ promised to tell me about her case once I was healed, but so far he hasn’t mentioned it.

  “Amber will be there, as will many others. She isn’t my main concern. You are.”

  “MJ—” I grimace. I can’t believe I’m going to turn him down because of her, but I have to. “She needs to be your main concern. A demon is trying to kill her, remember?”

  “Maddy, while it’s true some unknown demon is after Amber, that won’t always be the case. As I told you last night, other Protectors have been assigned to watch over the remaining targets. My team is protecting Amber. We’re close to catching him. Any one of the Protectors could find the demon and stop him before he comes to Mankato.”

  Varied emotions swirl inside me. I wish there were something I could do to help Amber, but I don’t think there is. My abilities are too unpredictable—not that I want to use them, anyway.

  “You, however, will always need protecting,” MJ continues. “I hope to be the one to keep you safe.”

  I stop our dance. I hadn’t thought about that. I should have, though. Even if one day I manage to control my emotions and most of my abilities, there will still be factors I can never control. I cannot control who can and cannot hear my thoughts and compel me. I cannot control what happens when an angel or demon touches me. And I cannot control, nor do I understand, how I make them feel emotions again.

  Word is spreading about me. I highly doubt beings will just leave me alone. So this is my future, then? Always being watched? Always in danger? Never allowed to just be normal? Never allowed to be a girl in love with a boy?

  I don’t want that. Even if it means walking away from who I was and embracing whatever I am now.

  I may not be able to help Amber, but I can help myself. I am not one of MJ’s Charges, and I will not let him treat me as such. I have abilities and power even he doesn’t have. That none of them have.

  My fingers brush the stubble along his jaw, trying to soothe him for what I’m about to say.

  “I don’t need protecting, MJ. But I do want you. Not the Protector. I want the guy who’s tearing down my walls, scraping away all the layers of lies I built up, and uncovering the real me. You know me better than I even know myself sometimes. That should scare me, but it doesn’t.”

  I stop and take a breath.

  “I trust you, MJ. Not because of what you are. It’s because of what you do. Somehow you’re getting me to do things I once thought were reserved for foolish saps and love-struck idiots. Like watching sunsets and sunrises, holding hands, and dancing on a dock to music from a phone.”

  He laughs, then his face turns serious when he sees I’m not kidding.

  “As much as I like doing these things with you, there is one thing I won’t do, and that’s become some helpless, weak girl who stands around waiting to be rescued. That’s not me. So when the time comes and someone or something tries to come after me, I hope you’ll fight by my side instead of fighting for me.”

  He strokes my cheek with his knuckles—returning the calming gesture. A frown rests on his lips while sadness pours out from his hazel eyes.

  “You barely survived the demon last night . . .” he begins.

  I try to turn away, but he stops me, holding his gaze steady on me until I meet it.

  “Another demon took you today. What about the next one? Or the one after that? You have many abilities, Maddy. But you don’t have the ability to send them to Hell. I do. How many more times do you think I can see you get hurt because I couldn’t protect you?”

  “MJ, I—”

  “It hurts”—he closes his eyes and grimaces—“so much, knowing I could have prevented all your suffering.” His eyes open, and he stares down at me.

  My heart clenches. I have to fight the desire to hug him and tell him anything he wants to hear, just so I never have to see that much pai
n in his eyes. But I can’t. I won’t.

  “Maddy, I know how strong you are. I do. I know you can fight and protect yourself. But if I let you fight,” MJ continues, “if I willingly put you in harm’s way, any bruise, scratch, cut, or worse injury will be on me. I could lose you, and it would be my fault. I can’t survive that. I can’t exist without you. So no. I won’t let you risk your life just to prove a point that doesn’t even need proving in the first place. Not to me. And if any other supernatural beings wanted proof, all they’d have to do is look at the markings on your arm.”

  He lets go, turns the music off, then sits on the edge of the dock, dangling his feet over the water.

  My mind reels. I knew he was affected by what happened to me, but I didn’t know he blamed himself. I see it now. He’s been so attentive, so cautious, so . . . clingy. It will only get worse if more things keep happening to me.

  He’s not to blame for any of it. Not yet. But if he refuses to help me, refuses to support me and give me the tools I need to defend myself, then any future bruise, scratch, cut, or worse injury will truly be on him.

  “Why did you become a warrior, MJ?” I ask, gazing at the stars peeking out behind the clouds—my clouds.

  He twists and looks up at me. For a moment I fear he won’t answer. Then he says, “We’d been at war long before even my father was born. He was a warrior, as was his father and his father, and so on for generations.”

  “So you had to follow in their footsteps?”

  “No. I could have done other things. But I didn’t want to. I knew the enemy would one day come and try to destroy everything I valued. So I chose to pick up a sword and fight.”

  I hug myself, then meet his gaze. “We’re at war now, MJ.”

  “No,” he says, standing. “This is different.”

  “You’re right. Because this time the enemy is threatening to destroy everything I value. And I’m here, begging you to help me fight, and you’re refusing. You’re putting me in a hole—just like Lifa.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Maddy

  MJ is silent the entire ride home. I know I upset him, and maybe I did go too far by bringing up Lifa. But I had to make him see that there’s protecting me and then there’s sheltering me, and sheltering will do more harm than good.

  Mom, Dad, and Hannah go inside as MJ and I awkwardly linger in the driveway, looking at each other but saying nothing.

  Suddenly he huffs and shakes his head. “I’d say goodnight, but that’s a bit ridiculous.”

  My eyes narrow, not understanding.

  “We both know I’m just going into the Veil of Shadows.” He smirks.

  In that moment, I know our fight is over. It doesn’t mean either one of us has let the point go. But it does mean we don’t want to be mad at each other anymore.

  He hugs me, resting his chin on my head. “Once I’m confident everyone else is going to bed, I’ll come out of the Veil.”

  I smile and say, “Bedtime can’t come soon enough.”

  I head upstairs and get ready for bed. Before too long, a knock sounds on my door. I open it. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”

  “Can I come in for a minute, kiddo?” He smiles, but it’s not as big as usual.

  Oh, God. Please don’t give me the Talk.

  “Umm . . . sure,” I say as he enters.

  Dad sits on my bed and motions for me to join him. I don’t want to hear this. I’ll forever connect this horrid moment to my bed. Maybe that’s Dad’s plan. If MJ and I do come to a point in our relationship where we’re on—or in—my bed together in that way, I’ll remember the Talk and everything will be ruined.

  I suck in a breath, remembering that MJ is most likely in here, watching on and listening in from the Veil of Shadows. His team is probably here too. And the masked demon and her master have cushioned seats in Hell to watch this mortifying moment. I hope Dad doesn’t say anything too embarrassing.

  It feels as if forty-pound weights are attached to my feet as I trudge over and sit. I stare at my carpet, unable to look Dad in the eyes.

  For years, I thought he was the one who gave me my green eyes because he has one green eye and the other is blue. Reality is, I have no idea where my green eyes come from. I don’t know anything about my birth parents. I want to find them now. I want to know why they gave me up.

  Suddenly I wonder if my birth parents had abilities too. Maybe they gave me up to hide me. Protect me. That could explain why they loved me enough to name me.

  But what if they’re dead, like Amber’s birth parents? Maybe they’re in Heaven waiting for me?

  Or maybe none of the above is right. They could just be a-holes.

  “We never did finish our conversation from Monday when I took you to school,” Dad says.

  I glance at him, caught off guard by the subject. In the car on Monday, I thought I had disappointed him and that I’d lost his love. I’m glad he still remembers that moment. He told me he loved me. And for the first time ever, I truly believed him.

  Dad’s usually the strong, silent type. He’s very observant. He tried to talk to me about MJ then, and I avoided it. But it doesn’t look like I’m getting out of it tonight.

  He’s silent for a moment while I draw circles in the carpet with my toes. Finally he snorts. “Parenting is a hard gig, Maddy. I love you, but you don’t always make it easy.”

  Guilt swirls inside me for all the horrible things I’ve said and done. I want to show him how much I’ve changed and how much I love him, but I can’t. I can’t act too different too quickly, or the Guardian Angels will summon the Perfugae. I have to still stay behind the huge wall I built up to shut my family out, even though it crumbled to dust this week.

  “Every man who has a daughter dreads the day she starts dating.”

  I cringe. Here it comes.

  “I got lucky. I got you for a daughter.”

  “I’m not lucky,” I mumble and turn away.

  He clutches my chin, turning me back to him. His blue and green eyes shine.

  “As MJ said earlier, you’re remarkable. I’ve known it all along, even if you’ve hid yourself away for a bit. But I can see that greatness coming back. It’s in your eyes, your smile. Your whole body radiates with positivity. I’ve missed seeing you like this. I know MJ is the reason behind it. I’ll forever be in his debt for accomplishing in just a few short days what I failed to do in three years.”

  I want to throw myself into his arms and tell him that I’m sorry and that I love him, but I’m too stunned to move.

  “You’re a great judge of character, kiddo. If you think this MJ is worthy of you, then I trust you. It’s obvious that he means a great deal to you. All I ask is that you enjoy the moment and don’t be in such a rush to grow up. I love you, Maddy.” He places his arm around my shoulders, and I lean into his embrace.

  “Me too, Daddy,” I whisper into his shirt. But again, they’re not the words I should be saying.

  He wraps his other arm around me, holding me tighter in a full-on Dad-bear-hug I’ve missed so much. His breath is shaky as he exhales. Before I’m ready, our hug ends and he stands.

  Right before he opens the door, he turns and says, “If your mother asks, tell her we had the Talk and you agreed not to ‘round the bases’ with MJ. I like him, so I’d prefer to not shoot him.”

  I turn pink and nod as Dad leaves, knowing I got off way easy.

  I close my eyes and flop back onto my bed. The mattress dips on my right side. I smile, knowing MJ’s lying down beside me.

  A burst of energy rushes through me at my wrist as he touches me. My arm tingles as his hand slides up it.

  “How are you?” he asks. His essence fills me, and I know he’s checking my emotions, even though he won’t know the reasons behind whatever he finds.

  “Better, now that you’re here.”

  “Hmm,” he mutters as his hand stills.

  I roll over and face him. His lips are tight and his brows are pulled together.

&nb
sp; “What’s wrong?”

  “Maddy, if I couldn’t stay the whole night, would you be okay? Tamitha and Alexander would be here, so you wouldn’t be alone. But there are a few things I need to take care of.”

  My mouth pops open, stunned at the thought of him leaving. A second later, I’m pissed at myself.

  A few hours ago, I stood in front of him, devastated by his unwillingness to see me as more than one of his Charges. And here, at the first chance to prove to him—to prove to us both—that I can handle myself, I cave.

  I take a deep breath and try again. “I’ve gone nearly seventeen years without you, so yes. I’ll be fine,” I reply.

  I’ll be fine, I repeat to myself. And if something does happen, Tamitha and Alexander are here, and the masked demon is watching too. Between them and myself, it should be enough.

  “I’m sure you’re right. I should be back before school.”

  “What are you going to do?” I ask, trying to sound more curious than heartbroken.

  “I’m going up to Immortal City. I was summoned to explain a few things that occurred today,” he continues.

  I’m sure he’s referring to my mile-high fire-tornados. “Everything’s okay, right?”

  “Of course,” he says. “Plus, I need to pick up some clothes, I’m nearly out.”

  I hadn’t thought about how he gets clothes. But I suppose he doesn’t really have a home here. Should I clear out room in my dresser for him—or would that be weird? When do couples start leaving things such as clothes and other personal effects at each other’s places? Do couples our age even do that? I need to ask my friends about this.

  But those are normal problems for a normal relationship. Normal couples don’t spend Wednesday night talking about making a run to Heaven.

  It’s strange to hear him talk about going to Heaven as if it were no big deal. I wonder if I’ve ever come across any other angels or demons before. Although, given what effect I have on them, I suppose I’d remember such a meeting if it had happened.